The 2013 Oireachtas

I have been procrastinating this post.  It's true.  I am still not 100% okay with how my Oireachtas day turned out.  I know I don't usually use this blog to make my displeasure known, but I can't avoid writing about the Oireachtas because it it a part of my dance journey.  I made a promise to myself that is what this blog is for, and now that I have readers who care, I can't just pretend it didn't happen.

The long and short of it is I'm not a world qualifier.  Again.  And for the fourth time in a row, I was within mere places of qualifying.

When the announcer skipped over my number, I said "What?!" out loud.  I knew I had it, and couldn't believe it.  All day long, I was so looking forward to being called on stage before the placements were awarded.  I had danced my best.  I maintained my health all year long, and was achieving my goals outlined for the year.  Something within me was so confident that I would be up there, but that something was terribly wrong.

Awards was tough.  It took all of my willpower to hold myself together on stage.  Of course after being disappointed for the fourth year in a row, I found it very difficult to hide that emotion.  I am only human, though my solo dress makes it seem otherwise.  I received an on-stage pep talk from one of my TCs; it's the only moment of the day I wish I could remember in full detail.

I cried through a good part of the teams awards, finally able to pull it together by the time my 4-hand and figure choreography were called to hear our placements (8th and 2nd).  As I was pulling myself together, I was able to buy my scores, and in the end, it was my set.  My set of three years (and much careful polishing) dropped me by six placements.  I had it until then, and knowing what caused my disappointment is crushing, nearly as crushing as seeing dancers I had consistently placed above all season, beat me out at this one event.

As I was driving back to my house from the Oireachtas (they were local this year), the question on my mind was, “Why do I keep doing this if I constantly fall short of my goals?”  I had a very lively debate with myself.  I was so absorbed in figuring out the answer to this question as I was driving down the interstate that I missed the exit for my house.

Ultimately, I decided that when I dance, I know that everything is right in my world.  My life could be up in shambles, but when I am dancing, I know that everything will be okay.  Dance is my thing.  I keep dancing because when I dance, nothing else matters.  I will get myself that qualification one day.  It may be this fifth year of chasing the goal, it may be the next, but until then, I will enjoy every moment of this journey I have created for myself.

Goals: PT exercises every other day
Days till Os: 268